If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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