maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I want to be your penis for a week.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
