If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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