New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
