You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
