so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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