Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
