you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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