you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Randomize
