We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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