thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
