He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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