Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
