Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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