we have pet lesbian snakes
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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