I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
