I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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