Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
