i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize