New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
