you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
