you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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