If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
