There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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