I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
