Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
