season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
