I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
that may or may not have been my penis.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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