closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
