I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
