you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
