Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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