hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Randomize
