I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
