Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
