I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
