I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
