One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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