i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
