Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
love makes seman taste better
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We are two peas in an std pod
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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