i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
