I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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