Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
