my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
