there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
