Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
