I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
