My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
