i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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