I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
