Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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