if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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