Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm passing your future prison.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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