Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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