too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
