Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
