How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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