This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
