he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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