My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
