does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize
