You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
