Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just forgot I was standing up.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
