I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
