'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
