Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
did i just pee glitter
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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